Top
The episode opens with a sequence wherein Michael dresses the rear of his flat screen computer monitor with novelty teeth, a tiny Fez and Post-It eyes and commands it to say rude things to Jim and Pam via a text-to-speech application on his computer.

Early in the episode, it is revealed that Angela has forgotten to file important tax documents with the corporate office before a deadline. Dwight covertly drives to New York to hand-deliver the documents on her behalf. Anglea is visibly relieved.

In a meeting, Michael assembles his "sales dream team" and informs them that at Andy Bernard's suggestion, they'll be pairing up for sales-call duty. Given first choice, Andy selects Michael, flattering him. Phyllis, whom Michael calls a "resident senior" picks Karen. Told he cannot select "pass", Stanley selects Ryan. Dwight is angered when he is left to partner with Jim. Dwight seeks coworkers willing to trade, but as Jim is the sole volunteer, the four pairs head out to the parking lot.

Michael tosses a bag of laundry to Dwight who tosses it into his Trans Am. Michael dubs the sales calls The Amazing Race, prompting some confusion, as he explains that it is not a true race, nor will prizes be awarded. To supplement his statement, he assigns each pair a nickname based on previous contenders from Race. Michael dubs Stanley and Ryan "the retired Marines", Phyllis and Karen "mother and daughter", Jim and Dwight "the gay couple", and his own team "the firefighter heroes". Before heading out, Michael snatches Phyllis's car keys from her hand and tosses them underneath her vehicle. Upon the team's departure, Angela invites Pam for coffee.

Via a series of unique stationary in-car shots coupled with sequences taking place in the offices of prospective clients, the associates' day unfolds.

Andy, riding shotgun in Michael's "carriage" continually badmouths Dwight and questions Michael as to why Dwight is doing his laundry. Michael explains that Dwight's laundry duty is punishment for attempting to take Michael's job in a secret meeting with Jan.

At the sales call, Michael's attempt to push the small-town personal feel of Dunder-Mifflin is thwarted as Andy interrupts with tales of his privileged upbringing and boasting of the company's status as an NYSE-listed company. Afterward Andy apologizes, tells Michael he really "Schruted it".

En route, Ryan asks Stanley if he can take the lead on the sales call, and the older man happily accepts. The pair meet with three black men in the lobby of their business; one of the men knows Stanley. Ryan, flustered, is unable to mutter anything but "Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi." Later Stanley mocks Ryan for his ineptitude, comparing his behavior to that of his six month old niece.

For safety, Dwight sits in the back seat of Jim's Saab leaving the shotgun seat empty. At the sales call, the pair enact a seemingly pre-rehearsed sales call routine, wherein Jim dials Dunder-Mifflin customer service and Kelly answers immediately and amicably as Dwight dials what he says is a competing paper company and is put on hold for several minutes. Jim reveals that he and Dwight used to go on sales calls in the past.

Phyllis drives to a nearby beauty salon and purchases a beauty treatment she describes as "makeovers" for the pair, later revealed to be a shrewd move as their client's wife sports a similar look. Phyllis mentions her happiness for Karen and Jim's relationship as she had worried he would never overcome his crush on Pam, inadvertently revealing its existence to Karen.

At a coffee shop, Pam notices Angela's happy glow and inquires. Angela tells Pam of a gallant man, "Kurt", had helped her friend "Noelle", who forgot to make an important delivery to corporate in New York City. Pam glances knowingly at the camera.

Upon their return, Karen invites Jim to coffee where he assures her his crush on Pam has passed and he is glad that Karen is in Scranton. Meanwhile, Andy steals Dwight's car keys and searches through his car revealing a tollbooth ticket to New York. Andy coaxes Michael into believing that Dwight has gone behind his back to the corporate office, profferring the stolen evidence. Michael and Andy then demand an explanation from Dwight.

In a consultation with Angela, it is made clear that Dwight will have to choose between betraying Angela by making their relationship public or betraying Michael by withholding information about his whereabouts that morning. Shortly after, Dwight announces his resignation, stating his enjoyment working "with some of you." He bequeaths his box of desk items to Michael, but pulls back two bobblehead dolls, including the likeness of himself. On his way out, Dwight approaches and embraces Jim who is walking with Karen through the parking lot, confusing the two; both were conversing elsewhere when Dwight's resignation occurred. Andy gloats to the camera about his clever plan to get rid of Dwight while Angela vengefully glares at Andy from the background.

• Andy references Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory: "Guess what? I will not fall into a chocolate river."
• Dwight mentally prepares for the sales call by banging his head to Mötley Crüe's "Kickstart My Heart".
• From Angela's thinly-veiled tale of the gallantry of "Kurt" to her "friend", it can be inferred that Angela's middle name is Noelle.
• While Michael is typing "Long time. Me lobe yoy long time", the screen shows that Michael had also typed "Pam is the receptionist", which is never heard from the computer during the scene before.

Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Jim: Zing!

Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today.

Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim.

Pam: Who’s Long Tim?

Harvey: Me lobe yoy long time.
Jim: Well yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.

Harvey: Get out of my off-five.

Harvey: Boobs.

Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it, Kevin?

Andy: I’m not falling in a chocolate river.

Andy: Hey, Dwight, pass the tardy sauce.

Michael: Next up, the Super Fly himself, Stanley.

Stanley: I’ll take the kid.

Ryan: I’m very flattered. I was his second choice, after “pass.”

Jim: Oh young Jim, there’s just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.

Andy: Sebring, by Chrysler. A heck of a motor carriage.

Dwight: You want shirts on hangers?

Michael: And you guys are the gay couple.

Michael: It’s Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay?

Michael: I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.

Andy: I used to work at Abercrombie, so … pretty good folder.

Karen: Why are we turning in here? This is a beauty salon.

Dwight: Leave the keys.

Andy: I have walked two marathons, so …

Michael: The men’s room was disgusting.

Dwight: Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.

Andy: I caught an 80-pound shark off Montauk.

Andy: Sniped it with a rifle from the crow’s nest.

Andy: Okay, this is the classic undersell.

Andy: Man, that is like poetry. I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.

Andy: Oh man, talk about your classic lame-dash-o.

Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.

Andy: I really Schruted it.

Stanley: And you just said, “Hi. Hi. Hi.” You sounded like my niece. And she’s six months old!

Kelly: Omigod, Jim, how are you?!

Dwight: Here’s my card. It’s got my cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.

Phyllis: He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. I didn’t think he’d ever get over her.

Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover.

Andy: Why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone?

Andy: Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal.

Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.

Dwight: I like Karen. She’s pretty. Appears intelligent.
Jim: Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.

Dwight: She could be a model. Or a college professor.

Jim: We should go on a double date.

Jan: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote, “Beeswax Not Yours, Inc.”

Dwight: I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.

Michael: Why do you lie, liar?

Michael: I want you to think about it long and hard.
Dwight: That’s what she said.
Michael: Don’t you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.

Dwight: I’ll just stand up in front of the office, and reveal our true love.

Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world!

Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam?

Dwight: It’s been a pleasure working with some of you, and I will not forget those of you soon.

Dwight: While today it is me, we all shall fall.

Dwight: In other words, I’m quitting.

Andy: Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.

Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me … so much, but he will be missed.

Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Karen: What happened on your sales call?

Andy: Am I happy about the way things turned out? Well, happy’s such an ugly word.