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Michael has but one thing to do: Sign a few dozen documents. By way of procrastination, Michael makes Ryan update emergency contact information of the staff. When Michael gets Ryan's mobile phone number, he constantly crank calls Ryan with crude impersonations of Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, and Saddam Hussein.

Talk of Dwight's karate experience gets Michael's competitive juices flowing, leading to a lunchtime match between them at Dwight's dojo. At the dojo, Jim goes a bit too far flirting with Pam, and she abruptly shuts him down when their co-workers take notice.

In a pathetic showing by both combatants, Michael emerges victorious over Dwight, which leads to Dwight changing his emergency contact from "Michael Scott" to "The Hospital". At the end of the day, Michael promotes Dwight from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager, most likely to ensure that Dwight will still idolize him despite the hard feelings over their lunchtime battle. Meanwhile, the rest of the staff, fed up with Michael's inability to accomplish even the simplest task, are forced to forge his signatures on the documents so they can go home.

• This episode was originally intended to air after "The Client".
• Rainn Wilson (who plays Dwight) is actually a certified yellow belt.
• In the course of filming the fight, the friction in Rainn's protective piece of wraparound headgear cut him slightly in the face.
• When Dwight is searching for his desk, the camera goes to B.J. Novak (who plays Ryan) and on his computer he is on his MySpace page.
• This is the episode to make the first reference to the Dunder Mifflin Albany, New York branch, as Jim mentions to the camera how that branch is working through lunch to avoid downsizing in comparison to Michael extending it by an hour for the staff to witness his showdown with Dwight. The "Valentine's Day" episode introduces Craig, the manager of the Albany branch.
• In this episode, Michael complains about how sometimes your friends "start going to dentist's appointments that aren't really dentist's appointments." In the episode, "The Coup", Dwight claims to be seeing the dentist when he is meeting with Jan to try to take Michael's job.

Dwight: Where is my desk?
Jim: That is weird …
Dwight: This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional.
Jim: Okay, well, you’re the one who lost the desk.
Dwight: I didn’t lose my desk.
Jim: Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?

Jim (after Dwight ends a phone call in Japanese): Is that your mom?
Dwight: No, that was my sensei.
Jim: Oh. Thought it was your mom.
Dwight: I am now senpei, which is assistant sensei.
Jim: Assistant to the sensei, that’s pretty cool.
Dwight: Assistant sensei.
Jim: Okay.

Dwight: I am a practitioner of Goju Ryu Karate, here in Scranton. My sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt, and gave me the duties of a senpei. Not that a lot of people here in America know what a senpei is, but it’s equally as respected as a sensei.

Pam: Michael tends to procrastinate, a bit, whenever he has to do work. Um, timecards, he has to sign these every Friday, purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month, and expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once a year it all falls on the same Friday. And that’s today. I call it “The Perfect Storm.”

Michael: Sh-lax, Pam. Stop PamMSing. That’s pretty good.

Michael: Think, think with your head, Pam.

Ryan: Hello.
Michael: Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson, calling from Wonderland.
Ryan: You mean Neverland?
Michael: This is Tito. (Laughs hysterically.)
Ryan: What?
Michael: Calling from … (Ryan hangs up.)

Pam (reading Jim’s palm): Your major and minor lines cross at a ridge. That sucks.
Jim: You’re making this up as you go along, aren’t you?
Pam: I am just following the website.
Jim: Well, at least I don’t have cavities.
Pam: Yes, you have very nice teeth.
Jim: Thanks.

Jim: Hey Dwight. As senpei, do you ever think that there’s going to be a day where humans and robots can peacefully coexist?
Dwight: Impossible. And the way they’re programmed … you’re mocking me.
Jim: No, I’m not.
Dwight: Well, let me offer you a little piece of advice. I am not afraid to make an example out of you.
Jim: Oh, that’s not advice. What advice sounds like is this: um, don’t ever bring your purple belt to work, because someone might steal it.
Dwight: Okay, give that back to me.
Jim: Okay, say please.
Dwight: No. That is not a toy.
Jim: Please.
Dwight: Please.
Jim: Good. And it absolutely is a toy. (Hands belt to Dwight.) Arigato.
Dwight: Arigato. This is not a toy. This is a message, for the entire office. So that everybody can see that I am capable of physically dominating them.

Michael: And this, is, more of a ying-yang thing, the “Michael” is all cursive, “Scott” all caps, left brain, right brain, or duality of man …
Pam: Could you practice on the forms?

Jim (snapping fingers): When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way, right?
Michael: You’re a Jet?

Michael: I’m friends with everybody in this office. We’re all best friends. We … I love everybody here. But sometimes, your best friends … start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren’t dentist appointments, and that is when it’s nice to let them know that you could … beat them up.

Michael: Just hit me. You’ll see.
Jim: I can’t. Cause uh, just got a manicure, so …
Michael: Oh, queer! Eye, Queer Eye. That’s a good show, important show. Go ahead. Do it!
Jim: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael (laughing): Oh yeah, well that would be kind of worthless, because I know a ton of 14 year old girls who could kick his ass.
Jim: You know a ton of 14 year old girls?
Dwight: What belt are they?
Michael: Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented Armageddon …
Dwight: No …
Michael: … he cried at the end of it. He did.
Dwight: Michael … I told you, that was because it was New Year’s Eve, and it started to snow at exactly midnight.
Michael (mock crying): Bruce Willis, they’re going to leave him on the asteroid!

Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men, then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father, battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

Dwight: Now watch, let me take you from behind.
Kelly: What?!

Michael: The offer, Dwight, was for one punch, which I absorbed. I had no idea there’d be a second punch, so … catch-22.

Michael (looking at framed calligraphy on wall at dojo): I recognize that. That is Japanese for “California roll.”
Ira: Uh, no it’s not.
Michael: I think it is. A guy told me about that.
Ira: Actually, it’s a symbol for eternal discipline.

Jim: Bring it, Beesly, bring it.

Michael: On the street, we didn’t have any rules. Maybe one. No kicks to the groin. Home for dinner.

Kevin: Sweep the leg!

Michael: You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to ME? “Raging Bull.” Pacino.

Michael: My emergency contact is Todd Packer, Todd F. Packer. Know what the “F” stands for?
Ryan: Fudge?

Michael: Oh, hey, Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version.

Michael: You know what? Um, do yourself a favor, just leave me as his contact. And I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man.

Michael: So … whatcha up to this weekend?
Ryan: Uh, hanging out with some friends, probably …
Michael: Well if you do anything crazy, give me a shout …
Ryan: Yeah, alright, I will, um, see you on Monday.

Michael: Let’s gang-bang this thing and go home.

Michael: I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which as we all know is completely ridiculous. But, there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better, which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.