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Hannah Smoterich-Barr brings her infant son to work where his all-pink ensemble evokes gender confusion. The baby is met with ambivalence from Stanley and Creed attempts to play a paperclip-based game against Karen's admonishment. Michael can't help himself, and crawls under a nearby desk to act as the voice of the child riffing on lines from the Look Who's Talking film series.

Angela, Kevin, Michael and Pam teleconference Jan to determine the source of a rebate check the office received. Jan informs the group the check stems from a federal reformed convict employment program, a "smart move" by Josh Porter, former manager of Dunder-Mifflin Stamford. She e-mails human resources and quickly determines the employee hired through the program is one Martin Nash.

Michael proposes the quartet forget the news they've received to avoid creating a rift among employees. All agree, although Michael misreads a sarcastic Angela who says she supports protecting a criminal, especially as a "90 lb. female who sits in a poorly-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office".

Meanwhile, Andy dials Big Tuna's extension and whispers "I'm horny". Jim is flabbergasted but soon realizes Andy wants a rundown on his attractive female coworkers and asks for a debriefing on Kelly, Angela and Pam. Jim encourages Andy to pursue Pam and, as a prank, coaches him on her favorite things; In actuality, his tips are things that Pam dislikes or has no opinion on: Disc golf, pig latin, and the Six Flags television commercial "with the old guy".

Dwight assures Michael he is of a collected, cool mindset to hear a piece of news, but when told of Martin's criminal past attempts to take off in a dead sprint. In an interview he says he simply doesn't like criminals. Michael himself announces Martin's "problems with Johnny Law" to everyone, and says that for every trusted white man, he can name a black man he trusts more. He then asks employees to call out names of white men. He tops Pam's father with "Danny Glover", but is unfamiliar with Jim's suggestion of "Jonas Salk"; Jim quickly substitutes Justin Timberlake, which garners "Colin Powell". Karen suggests "Jesus", to which the boss replies "Apollo Creed" to which Stanley simply rolls his eyes in casual disbelief.

In the breakroom over lunch, Martin tells the others he was incarcerated for insider trading, and although it was routine and could be dull, he enjoyed certain perks of prison, including outside time and art classes. Ryan is told about prison business classes taught by Harvard Business School guys. Pam comments that prison sounds better than their current work situation and Kevin wonders why the branch doesn't receive daily outdoors time.

Soon, Michael announces an hour outdoors time will take place in the parking lot. Nearly everyone heads outside to bitter cold temperatures. Michael offers a weightlifting session with a 2.5 lb. dumbbell he produces from the trunk of his Sebring, but a freezing Stanley leads a charge back into the warmth of the office.

Michael soon calls an impromptu meeting in which he dons a do-rag and attempts to "scare you straight" as an ex-con character named "Prison Mike". He speaks with a New York accent, calls Angela a bee-yoch, threatens to shove her up against a wall (and incites Dwight to politely come to her defense with the rest of the staff), says life "in the clink" is no picnic, alludes to violence and rape and singles out Ryan because, in prison, he would be "da belle of da ball", who responds "Michael, please." in discomfort.

Jim asks Prison Mike where he learned such information and he claims it's a mix of the Internet and prison. Jim asks his crime and Angela is peeved when Dwight asks Prison Mike the worst thing about prison, which he responds by claiming there were Dementors. Andy plays along, and says prison sounds awful. Prison Mike concludes his speech, saying "You got a good life." Martin comments that Michael's performance did not remind him of his time in prison. A frustrated Michael locks everyone in the conference room, who become concerned and begin moving around for an exit. Hannah, still at her desk with the pink-clothed child, ignores Kevin's pleas for assistance.

Pam phones Toby who tells Michael the staff is fully aware a workplace is better than prison and are simply teasing him. A relieved Michael releases his prisoners, including Stanley who never stopped work on his crossword puzzle through the entire incarceration.

Martin cleans out his desk and quits Dunder-Mifflin. In his office, Michael remarks to the camera that he thinks Martin is a quitter.

Andy strums "The Rainbow Connection" on his banjo, while singing piglatin in his "sexy, high, falsetto voice" in an attempt to woo Pam based on Jim's advice. She smiles politely and glances at Jim, who gives the camera his trademark smirk.

• Michael attempts to tune a television in the breakroom playing a fuzzy WBRE-TV broadcast featuring weather forecaster/chief meteorologist Josh Hodell.
• "Prison Mike" is modeled after the 1978 documentary Scared Straight!.
• Pam's dislike of singing with a guitar and a "high, falsetto voice" could be a reference to Tiny Tim. It could also be a reference to the wave of similar singer-songwriters known for their "sensitive" lyrics and falsetto voices who were especially popular in the early 2000s.
• Ed Helms showcases his real ability to play the banjo.

Pam: Oh, she’s absolutely adorable!
Hannah: He.
Pam: Oh, sorry. He’s — he’s dressed all in pink.
Hannah: That’s his favorite color.
Pam: Oh. That’s fun for him.
Stanley: Fantastic.

Michael: Hey, look at me, I’m a baby! I’m one of those babies from “Look Who’s Talking.” What am I thinking? (Laughs) Look at all those staplers! What’s a stapler? — I don’t even know, I’m a baby! Hey, Mom, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.

Michael: I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist.

Michael: You are such a racist.
Kevin: Wait, why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he’s black.
Kevin: He is black … right?

Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy. Who went to prison for … polluting a black guy’s lake.

Angela: Sure. Let’s protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.

Jim: Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: Okay, I can’t help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She’s high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about … (motions toward Angela). Blondes are more fun. C’mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.

Michael: Just … try to be cool.
Dwight: I am cool.
Michael: Okay, are you cool, really?
Dwight: I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m so cool. Tell me what is going on.

Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.

Jim: Frisbee-based competitions …
Andy: Are you kidding?
Jim: She …
Andy: I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.
Jim: Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves the ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. Also, do you speak pig latin?

Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake?

Michael: Surprised? Well shame on you.

Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because … it sounds an awful lot like what I do here … every day.

Kevin: You got outdoors time?

Kevin: I would so rather be in prison.

Michael: This place is not prison. It’s way better than prison.

Creed: Oh it’s okay. I’ve got tons of them.

Andy: Listen, you’re cute. There’s no getting around it.

Andy: Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay?
Pam: Wow. I …

Pam: Wow. That was … wow.

Michael: I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison.

Phyllis: I can’t feel my toes.

Michael: I’m not going for bulk, I’m going for tone.
Stanley: I’m going back inside. It’s freezing.

Michael: These people don’t realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole.

Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar.
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that’ll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy (singing): You know I can, my man.

Andy: I’m gonna go get my banjo out of my car.

Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?

Michael: I am here to scare you straight!

Michael: You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball.

Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

Michael: Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.

Michael: The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they’d come down, and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt.
Karen: Dementors like in Harry Potter?
Michael: No, not Harry Potter.

Martin: There were certain elements of what you performed, I’ve seen on television.

Michael: They are such babies!

Toby: Hey Pam. Where are you calling from?

Toby: Michael, why is everyone locked in the conference room?

Toby: They’re teasing you. To be funny.

Michael: Okay nut cases. Get out of there. Good work!

Michael: Time off for good behavior!

Andy (singing): So we’ve been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they’re wrong, wait and see, cause one day we’ll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and me …