Top
Dwight finds half of a joint in the parking lot of Dunder Mifflin and takes advantage of his volunteer sheriff deputy status by interviewing the staff to get to the bottom of it. Meanwhile, Jim does an impression of Stanley and gets caught. When he and Pam speak at the same time (impersonating Stanley's response), Pam calls "jinx" so Jim can't talk until he buys her a Coke, which isn't an issue until he discovers the vending machine is sold out. When Dwight sets up urine testing, Michael worries that a "clove cigarette" he smoked at an Alicia Keys concert will show up.

Michael holds an anti-drug meeting for the entire office, where he over-expresses his hatred of drugs. He tries to get out of the testing, but Dwight continues to insist that he must take part. Michael pressures Dwight for a cup of his "clean" urine, but Angela is against the idea. Jim continues to hold up his end of the jinx. Pam continues to tease him, until she gets to the point where she says, "you can tell me anything", which creates an awkward silence. Michael passes his drug test (with Dwight's urine); Dwight turns in his volunteer badge over his actions. Pam buys Jim his Coke, which he buys off of her so she can find out what's been happening with Dwight the whole day. Michael feels guilty, so he makes Dwight an "Honorary Security Advisor" for Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Jim wonders aloud what Dwight gets out of his relationship with Michael, while the camera focuses on him and Pam, suggesting that the two have a similarly confusing relationship.

The identity of the culprit is never revealed in the episode, but is implied to be Michael since he asked Dwight to falsify his drug test. The deleted scenes available on the DVD shed further light on this person's identity.

• Jim's impression of Stanley in this episode was inspired by John Krasinski's actual talent of doing impressions on the set.
• The reason Michael has a bandage around his finger in this episode is because Steve Carell hurt his finger during the week and was unable to remove his wedding ring due to the swelling. Instead of cutting off his ring, the crew simply wrapped a bandage around it.
• Dwight's interview about his family name at the end of the episode was originally written for the pilot episode. The original version can be seen on the first season DVD deleted scenes.
• When Michael tells Pam to "write this down," Jenna Fischer's response to the camera was improvised. "I thought it was funny that I didn't have a pad of paper but Michael was telling me to take notes," she explained in her MySpace blog, "so I just looked to camera and showed my lack of pen and paper."
• During Creed's interview he mentions "Northern Lights, Cannabis Indica", which is a real strain of marijuana.
• Although their scenes didn't make the final cut, the guilty parties are revealed in deleted scenes available on the Season 2 DVD set: Leo and Gino, the workers at Vance Refrigeration.
• When Michael is asking Dwight for his urine, you can see a picture in the background of the entire office. This picture is the one taken in the Conflict Resolution episode, which aired after this one did. It's the photograph that Michael edits using his Mac and is shown for about 3 seconds (with all of their faces superimposed on it.)

Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks, girl.

Jim: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because, as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.

Dwight: Let’s go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like. Slow moving. Inattentive. Dull. Constantly snacking. Shows a lack of motivation.
Kevin (after what seems to be an eternity): Hey …

Dwight: I like the people I work with generally. With four exceptions. But someone committed a crime. And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.

Jim (impersonating Stanley): I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.

Pam: Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he’ll look up at me from his desk and he’ll just be someone else. Like he’ll go, um (does an impression herself, and laughs). That’s supposed to be Phyllis. I can’t do it as good as he can.

Kelly: And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I’m so small, and all I had eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court, so I said, is it okay if I sip it? And they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way.
Dwight: Stop! This is not Kelly Kapour Story Hour!

Dwight: I didn’t know that you were at a party Saturday night.
Ryan: I go to a lot of parties.
Dwight: Okay, I’m going to need to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight: Don’t make me do this the hard way.
Ryan: What’s the hard way?
Dwight: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell the police officer — I know several — what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan (barely containing his glee): Yeah, let’s do it that way.

Michael: Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot, you know? You’re totally harshin’ the office mellow.

Michael (while fake coughing): Narc!
Dwight: If you are attempting to compliment me, you have done a very good job.

Michael: Dude, where’s my office? I totally lost it! Cause I was half-baked, smoking doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smoking doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest.

Ryan: I don’t think Michael’s ever done drugs. I don’t know if anyone’s ever offered him any.

Dwight: Oscar visited Mexico when he was five, to attend his great grandmother’s funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He’s a potential drug mule.

Dwight: Have you ever pooped a balloon?

Creed: That is Northern Lights cannibus indica.
Dwight (sighing with disappointment): No. It’s marijuana.

Jim: I’m just saying that you can’t be sure that it wasn’t you.
Dwight: That’s ridiculous, of course it wasn’t me.
Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don’t remember.
Dwight: I would remember.
Jim: Well how could you, if it just erased your memory?
Dwight: That’s not how it works.
Jim: Now how do you know how it works?
Dwight: Knock it off, okay, I’m interviewing you!
Jim: No, you said that I’d be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke? (Dwight looks flabbergasted.)

Jim (impersonating Stanley): Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?

Stanley: I do not think that is funny.

Pam: Jim is not allowed to talk, until he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.

Pam: Sold out! That has never happened in the history of Jinx!

Michael: Two night ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act, this beautiful girl sits down next to me, and I never get to meet girls with lip rings, and she had one. I don’t know exactly how this happened, but one of her friends started passing around some stuff, and they said that it was clove cigarettes, and I’m sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it.

Dwight: Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking besides Rogaine?
Kevin: I’m not taking Rogaine.
Dwight: Angela, what about you?
Angela: I don’t take any prescription drugs.
Dwight: You’re not on … anything? (Angela gives him the look.) Good. (Oscar and Kevin both look at Dwight, then look at Angela.)

Michael: I am ridiculously anti-drug. I am so anti-drug, that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind.

Michael: Everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny. But just imagine how funny they would be if they didn’t smoke pot.

Michael: This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.

Michael: Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?
Stanley: No I don’t. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week for the antioxidants.

Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.

Michael: Pam, could you take this down? (Pam shows her empty hands.)

Pam: WOW! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying! Did not expect that.

Michael: Urine goes all over the place. You know, there’s no controlling it.
Dwight: Not my urine.

Dwight: Hi Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff’s deputy.
Linda (shaking head): We test a lot of urine.
Dwight: Mine was green.
Linda: Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight: I’m all better.

Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Angela: You’re not going to get my permission on this.
Dwight: I know that. Don’t you think I know that?

Linda: Yeah, we do testing all over the country.
Ryan: Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring?
Linda: You want to work at the urinalysis lab?
Ryan: Yeah. Maybe.

Dwight: I love my father, very much. Every morning, he’d wake up at dawn, and make us biscuits with gravy. When I was little, my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot, but I never busted him on it. I would have, except I didn’t know about it. He didn’t tell me ’til years later, and I was shocked when I found out.

Pam: Did you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. You look like you have something really important to say and you just can’t for some reason. Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything.

Kevin: I’d like a magazine.
Linda: We just need urine, sir.
Kevin: I’d still like one.

Michael: I passed the test, thanks to you and your untainted pee.

Dwight: How many orange traffic cones do you have?

Jim: Wow, what a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine, and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don’t get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?